Maybe We're Dreaming

So I'm sitting here and it's 2:20am. The thoughts running through my head are a stream that carries me ever toward the future. You never know what the water ahead will hold. I love this kind of life, ever plunging into new waters, rounding each turn with no idea of what lies ahead. Of course, I can't say that I've always been blissfully happy, in fact I've spent a fair amount of time in those dark depths where the water is stagnant and the banks steep. But despite it all, I look back upon the path that I've forged and followed, and I have no regrets. Part of what the great fun of this ride is not knowing what rapids lay ahead. Peace Corps is downstream and I'm rushing towards it, icy ripples of fear and uncertainty lap at the edges of the leaf I've caught this ride upon, but the excitement holds me afloat. I lean forward in my eagerness, attempting not to tip too far, knowing that a spill could happen at any moment. Well here I am now, caught up in the throes of anticipation and I feel like I'm at the top of the stairs of my childhood home, looking down and knowing that a huge christmas tree is splaying it's thick dark branches over mountains of wrapped presents. All I want to do is squeeze through the chairs set to keep us at bay and belly slide down the stairs in my footed p.j.'s to reach the gifts that bear my name and tuck in. I'm trying to keep my thoughts reigned in, not place expectations on where I may be sent or what experiences I may encounter. Every Peace Corps Volunteer follows a different path and there is no way to know what the future has in store for me. All I want is to know that I'll carry through, no matter what surprises, good or bad, await. It's sink or swim, that's life, and I love the challenges where you are tossed in and given just that chance-either flutter helplessly to the bottom or remain afloat, even if it takes every bit of energy, passion and hope that is inside of you. When given the choice, I'll put every effort towards remaining afloat. I love this idea of a challenge, I want to face whatever it is that awaits me. I want to take on life, to live and to be able to look back at what I've accomplished and feel glorious pride. But damn, there's always that creeping feeling of the unknown and what it may hold. But difficulty and pain, they're inevitable. I just never want to lose the wonder, that which stops you in your tracks in awe. Moments of wonder, awe and respect for the wild beauty make up the heartbeat of this earth, and these beats are what I live for.