Pooptastic

I'm going to start with a recounting of a story I wrote a few years ago that brings tears to my eyes...
A particularly memorable event so far this break I would like to bring to the light. The walks in the woods with our crazy lab puppies have been delightful. That is, until that of our beloved Dakota revealed his adept skill in managing to find the nastiest thing in those woods-toilet paper smeared in human excrement. Yes. So just imagine, if you can, my father barreling toward the yellow puppy like an ape on a rampage screaming "No no no noo!". Dakota only looked up with an expression of pure euphoria, trails of toilet paper hanging out of his mouth. Somehow, Dad managed to make him drop it, but not without getting a little souvinir on his fingers and under his fingernails. Dad, face screwed into an expression of pure disgust, led the poop troop off the path, cutting through the woods, heading straight for the stream to clean off. Trailing behind, I suddenly caught wind of the putrid scent and my father and I looked down at Dakota's back to discover a streak of shit ground into his coarse yellow fur. Despite having no doubt at what on earth it could be, he proceeded to bring his face alarmingly close to the substance to take a whiff. "Garghhhhh!". Well, what did he expect? On we went, with me stiffling a gaffaw that threatened to bring me to my knees. I had to tell him, so I did. What, you ask? Look down, Dad- your shirt, umm, and your pants. Two smears of the excrement that had now become quite familiar to us both stood out, smelling sickly, from his clothing. I watched in horror as he picked up a piece of bark and, in a sorry attempt to rid himself of this sneaky substance, only further embedded it into the fibers. I laughed with abandon. On the bank, I watched in amusement as he threw sticks into the water which Dakota cheerfully dove in after. This wasn't a very effective unless he had hoped only to moisten the shit. I recoiled as my father brushed away at Dakota's back with his soiled fingers, spraying droplets of water and specks of poo. Oh what a day.